Dr. Fenwick's Snake Oil

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Fenwick: I'm a doctor by vocation
But my greatest innovation
Was the liniment your eyes are soon to see
Here it is, fresh from our factory
Cures all ailments once refractory
And endorsed by Dr. F himself! (That's me)

Man 1 and Woman 1: Plagued by dropsy or dyspepsia
Rheumatism Epilepsia
Here's the panacea for your maladies
Fenwick: Cursed by hexes most ethereal
Cursed by poxes most venereal
Man1 and Woman 1: And not too keen to share those abnormalities

Man 2: Hectic fever or podagra
Woman 2: Variola or pellagra
Man 2: Scrofula, sciatica, or blight
Fenwick: It's for typhus and for warts
So why not buy a dozen quarts
All: Your sicknesses will vanish overnight with

All: Dr. Fenwicks Snake Oil
Man 3: It's the finest you can get
All: Dr. Fenwicks Snake Oil
Woman 3: Keep it cool, don't get it wet
Fenwick: Not too pasty, not too thin
Apply it liberally to skin
And repeat until desired ends are met

Fenwick: I knew a man named fancy Pat
Man1: My pride and joy had fallen flat
My wife was crying out for an annulment
Fenwick: And now she's crying out
Woman 1: Divorce!
He's out all night with stinkin whores
Women: Ever since he got his first installment of

All: Dr. Fenwicks Snake Oil
Fenwick: It's the Doctors guarantee
All: Dr. Fenwicks Snake Oil
Man 2: And we 're sure that you'll agree
Fenwick: It's good for pleurisy and thrush
So buy it now and beat the rush
All: And we'll throw in this embalming cream for free!

Fenwick: Youve tried the competition
But just look at your condition
You 're a sickly sallow pile of putrid pus
Man 3: Youve got rickets! Youve got tumors!
Woman 2: And invasion of the humors
All: Youd probably die tonight if not for us

Man 1: My daughters got the grippe
Woman 3: My fathers got the gout
Women: Youve got to get it now if youve got to get it out
Woman 3: Save the leeches, lose the ointments
Therapeutic disappointments
All: All the unguents, balms and lotions
All the powders, salves, and potions
Man 2: They 're just going through the motions
Put your money where it counts
Fenwick: Only pocket change per ounce

All: Dr. Fenwicks Snake Oil
Man 3: For distemper or gangrene
All: Dr. Fenwicks Snake Oil
Woman 1: And for softening of the spleen
Fenwick: There's no cure-all or elixir
That's a better fever fixer
All: It's so powerful it's practically obscene

Men: How much would you pay
How much would you pay
Women: 80 cents a bottle
Men: No!
Women: 60 cents a bottle
Men: No!
Women: 50 cents a bottle

Men: No! 40 cents a bottle or a dollar ten for three
Buy a dozen bottles and the thirteenth one is free
All: 40 cents a bottle or a dollar ten for three
Buy a dozen bottles and the thirteenth one is free
40 cents a bottle or a dollar ten for three
Buy a dozen bottles and the thirteenth one is free
40 cents a bottle or a dollar ten for three
Buy a dozen bottles and the thirteenth one is free

Fenwick: A scientific breakthrough from a name that you can trust
Don't waste my precious time, a larger order is a must
This offer ends tomorrow, these prices have been slashed
I want to hear some piggybanks get smashed!

All: Doctor Fenwicks Snake Oil!


Jon Greenlee - drums, vocals, bass, electric guitar
Thellea Leveque - vocals, flute
Lauren London - vocals
Jared Rustad - vocals
Robert Schwartz - alto saxophone Russell Schwartz - tenor saxophone, vocals
Josh Siegel - vocals
Darin Zahuranec - trumpet

Copyright 2004 Zach London

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