A Man and His Jeweler

From "Who Dares Disturb My Slumber"

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When you gonna get it
When you gonna see it
The number one tenet
The number one rule-ah
When you gonna get it
When you gonna see it
Don't try to get between a man and his jeweler
When you gonna get it
When you gonna see it
The number one tenet
The number one rule-ah
When you gonna get it
When you gonna see it
The union of a man and his independent jeweler

Let me start by volunteering
Why this man is so endearing
He sold me an earring
So big it's interfering with my hearing
That's a feat of engineering
By my way of thinking
And Dennis got the stuff
When my cuff needs linking
Why would I care about cribs or rims or wheels or girls
When I got a Swiss watch
Made of freshwater pearls
And I spent some mad cheddar
And I spent some MAD cheddar
It got more pearls than the Harbor
More pearls than Eddie Vedder
And Dennis custom fitted me
With a diamond-encrusted sweater
All GIA certified and all VVS2 or better
And a matching one for my Irish Setter
So I cut myself when I pet her
And you can tell by the wound
That I spent some MAD cheddar, so

Fail! He got his bling online
Fail! She got her bling at the mall!
Fail! It's like no bling at all
When they bring in the mail, and there's bling in the mail
Fail! He got his bling online
Fail! She got her bling at the mall!
Zales fails!
I'm appalled
When they bring in the mail, and there's bling in the mail

When you gonna get it
When you gonna see it
The number one tenet
The number one rule-ah
When you gonna get it
When you gonna see it
Don't try to get between a man and his jeweler
When you gonna get it
When you gonna see it
The number one tenet
The number one rule-ah
When you gonna get it
When you gonna see it
The union of a man and his independent jeweler


Check out my anklet,
The way it highlights my ankle
Like a banquet of light
The way it sparkle and twankle
These rings on my fingers,
These rings in my ears
They're from my independent jeweler
Who I've known for years
Dennis got a line of credit,
Credit with DeBeers
You want a blue diamond grill
Well you won't get it at Sears
And here's Dennis now,
Alpha-paging my beeper
You say you got a nice price
On an iced out kippah
We're like brothers,
We've got a bond, we're tight
You showed me everything that's good
About tanzanite
If I get only one jeweler
I just know you're the one
I won't ever go to Jared's
Or Schlanderer and Son
You help me through dark times,
You've got the power that heals
With your display of precious metals
And incredible deals
Wish you could know how it feels
To buy this kind of resplendence
Here, take all my cash,
Don't care about my descendants
The only children I need
Are these gargantuan pendants
So on my 1040 form,
I'll claim them all as dependents
Cause there's seven C's,
But only four have merits
That's color, cut, clarity,
And motherf-ing carats
I need your expertise
To decrease the confusion
When you whip out your loupe
And say, "I sees an inclusion"
I feel peace in my heart,
And peace in my medulla
'Cause I'm feeling the love
Of my independent jeweler

Fail! He got his bling online
Fail! She got her bling at the mall!
Fail! It's like no bling at all
When they bring in the mail, and there's bling in the mail
Fail! He got his bling online
Fail! She got her bling at the mall!
Zales fails!
I'm appalled
If the bling is on sale than that bling is a fail.
So when you gonna get it

When you gonna get it
When you gonna see it
The number one tenet
The number one rule-ah
When you gonna get it
When you gonna see it
Don't try to get between a man and his jeweler
When you gonna get it
When you gonna see it
The number one tenet
The number one rule-ah
When you gonna get it
When you gonna see it
The union of a man and his independent jeweler

When you gonna get it
Who you gonna visit
Dennis got the shizzit
If you got the moolah
When you gonna get it
When you gonna see it
When you gonna get it
When you gonna see it


(Lauren London - additional vocals)

Copyright 2010 Zach London

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