Mayor:
The winters in the suburbs can be brutal
It’s futile
To try to boost the family’s morale
Shall we
Suffer through another day so dreary?
In theory
My query is, my dearie, do you want to see a battle royale?
Then the
Barber and the plow driver should fight
The barber and the plow driver should fight
One of them likes to trim a beard
The other one thinks that’s weird, and they are right right right
So they should fight!
Chorus:
Oh, the barber and plow driver should fight
They have different jobs so they should fight
Townsperson:
The plowman drives some 4 x 4s
Townsperson:
The barber grooms some pompadours
Gramma:
They should strip down to their drawers and fight
Plow driver:
I’m a proud plow driver and I drive a plow
I plow that snow into a roadside pile
I smile with pride at the piles I’ve plowed
I’m a proud plow driver and I drive plows proud
Chorus:
He’s a proud plow driver and he drives a plow
He plows that snow into a roadside pile
He smiles with pride at the piles he’s plowed
He’s a proud plow driver and he drives plows proud
Plow driver:
Well, I make a pile of snow on each flank
You could say I make dough because I make bank
I make a snowbank pile from the snowdrift
And the rank and file thank me ‘cause i’m so swift
Chorus:
Well, he makes a pile of snow on each flank
You could say he makes dough because he makes bank
Makes a snowbank pile from the snowdrift
And the rank and file thank him ‘cause he’s so swift
Mayor:
Oh the barber and the plow driver should fight
Chorus:
Fight, fight!
Mayor:
The barber and the plow driver should fight
Chorus:
Fight!
Townsperson:
One of them wields a comb and brush
Townsperson:
One of them feels at home in slush
Gramma:
They should take off all their clothes and fight
Chorus:
The barber and the plow driver should melee
Here the barber comes to join the fray
Just clippin’
And a-vacuumin’
Mayor:
Well, that’s the barber’s acumen
Chorus:
Let’s hope he’s here to smack you in the face
Chorus:
Want a cut
Want a want a cut cut
Want a cut cut cut
Want a want a cut
Want a want a cut cut
Barber:
Hot towel!
Chorus:
Want a want a cut cut
Want a cut cut cut
Want a want a cut
Want a want a cut cut <br/
Want a want a cut cut
Want a cut cut cut
Want a want a cut
Want a want a cut cut
Want a want a cut cut
Want a cut cut cut
Barber:
Want a crew cut, buzz cut, up do, slick back
Mullet or a French crop
Mmm-mmm flat top
Side part, sideburns, fade and a braid
With the pomade for a stiff quiff or a messy bun
Want a taper at the nape or want a V-shape
Half-up, half down, shag
Or a ponytail
Top knot, perm or a pixie cut
Or maybe you want a bouffant do
Or a messy bun
Bowl cut, cornrows, ombre
Toupee, a lot of layers
Or a high and tight
With a balayage, bob, or the curtain bangs
Or a beehive, yes, son
One more messy bun
Everyone
Chorus:
One more messy bun
Barber:
Everyone
Chorus:
One more messy bun
Barber:
Ready for the new you?
Get a new do
Get a new you do done
Barber and Chorus:
Get another messy bun
Chorus:
Want a cut
Want a want a cut cut
Want a cut cut cut
Want a want a cut
Want a want a cut cut
Want a want a cut cut
Want a cut cut cut
Want a want a cut
Want a want a cut cut
Want a want a cut cut
Want a cut cut cut
Want a want a cut
Want a want a cut cut
Barber:
Hot towel!
Chorus:
Want a want a cut cut
Want a cut cut cut
Want a want a cut
Want a want a cut cut cut
Plow driver:
I refuse to listen to this shite, Christ!
Mayor:
That’s the gist of this entire zeitgeist
Plow driver:
That’s the gist of why this vile stylist and I’ll
Be remiss if we don’t dial up a fist fight
Chorus:
The barber and the plow driver should brawl
Mayor:
‘Cause one is unemployed from Spring to Fall
Plow driver:
Ach, that’s me!
Chorus:
They should pair off
They should square off
Gramma:
They should tear off all their clothes and bare it all
Chorus:
And they should brawl
The barber and the plow driver should fight
Build a barb’d wire cage and watch ‘em fight
Barber:
I will get you good and scissored
Plow Driver:
I’m a wizard in a blizzard
Gramma:
Gramma wants to watch
Chorus:
As is her right
Townsperson:
Right?
Mayor:
Only savagery and power
From this barber and this plower
Has a chance of quenching our appetite
Townsperson:
For there cannot be a truce
Townsperson:
When the deicer meets the mousse
Chorus:
And so the barber and plow driver should fight
Barber and the plow driver should fight
Barber and the plow driver should fight
Fight!
Gramma:
And do it nekkid!
Jonathan Amaro Barron - Mayor
Julia Garlotte - Gramma
Lauren London - Townsperson
Malcolm London - Townsperson
Scarlett London - Townsperson
Russ Schwartz - Plow Driver
Jeremy Wine - Saxophones
Copyright 2024 Zach London
These knobs won’t tweak themselves
To balance the noise
Balance the left ear and
Balance right ear
I’m a deer in the headphones
Trapped in equipoise
Downpour
Speed neath the overpass
Only one frame of silence
One moment of peace
Driving in a downpour
Speed neath the overpass
For a skosh of blessed respite
And desperate release
So, I plug my ears with
Wadded up tissues
But there’s car horns and crowd sounds
And random loud sounds
I’m a deer in the headphones
With sensory issues
Downpour
Speed neath the overpass
Only one frame of silence
One moment of peace
Driving in a downpour
Speed neath the overpass
For a skosh of blessed respite
And desperate release
Downpour
I'm a deer in the headphones
Trapped in equipoise
Downpour
I'm a deer in the headphones
With sensory issues
Victoria Gilbert - additional vocasls
Lauren London - additional vocals
Jeremy Wine - soxophone
Copyright 2024 Zach London
Lot 1
Charlamagne was the Emperor of France
Here’s the napkin where he jotted down the specs
In advance
Of his patent application
For a rocking chair that’s also a bidet
Day day day day day day day day
Opening bid starts at 19.3
Do I hear 20 K?
Hear 20 G?
Going once
Going twice
Going three times
Any advance on the price?
Paddles up Hammer down
Sold!
To the woman in the
Gold mask covering her
Whole face that she won’t
Expose no knows who she is
But she’s a regular
She’s a regular
Auction house
Lot 2
One cassette
Of Chopin’s 6th mazurka
Circa 1981
In a jet to Spokane
Where Jimmy Carter played it as his final presidential act
In a Walkman
You walk home with this artifact today-ay
Such distinguished provenance befitting
Discerning buyers
Hgh roller bidding
Opening bid starts at 19.3
Do I hear 20 K?
Hear 20 G?
Going once
Going twice
Going three times Any advance on the price?
Paddles up
Hammer down
Sold!
To the mustachioed esteemed
Colonel and his cream
Khakis and his team
From the puppet state regime
He’s a regular
He’s a regular
Auction house
Auction house
Lot 3
A clump of hair from a drain in Buckingham
Lot 4
A Fred Astaire monogrammed sonogram
Lot 5
A mammoth coccyx
Lot 6
Chopsticks used by Hemingway
Way way way way way way
Opening bid starts at 19.3
Do I hear 20 K?
Hear 20 G?
Going once
Going twice
Going three times
Any advance on the price?
Paddles up
Hammer down
To the tech mogul with a beta
Robotic arm and glasses that flash data
To the sexy assassin sisters
Whisper welcome to the
Auction house
Auction house
Auction house
Auction house
Lauren London - additional vocals
Scarlett London - additional vocals
Copyright 2024 Zach London
There once was a man
Who rode by the tracts
With the reins in his hand
And a Winchester on his back
And the hot sun shone
On the badge on his vest
And when he looked ahead
He only saw to The West
His name is Humphrey
The man with half his sight
You can trust this
When his Justins meet the dust
He’ll mete out justice
Just as long as it’s not somewhere to his right
His name is Humphrey
Humphrey
On the owl hoot trail
From LaSalle to Cheyenne
The Black Hat brigade
Got the drop on our man
But he roped them all in
Sure and swift
‘Cause the ambush they laid
Was off to his left
His name is Humphrey
The man with half his sight
You can trust this
When his Justins meet the dust
He’ll mete out justice
Just as long as it’s not somewhere to his right
His name is Humphrey
The man with half his sight
You can trust this
When his Justins meet the dust
He’ll mete out justice
Just as long as it’s not somewhere to his right
Humphrey
Steve Hankes - vocals
Jeff Kleiner - harmonica
Lauren London - vocals
Copyright 2024 Zach London
