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When I post a banana for sale
And I show a banana for scale?
That is ingenious
Such a slick idea that everyone wants a piece
Toadies, hangerson, and bandwagon friends
Showing up, blowing up my DMs
Out of the woodwork
They came out of the woodwork
Oh, fair-weather flames
Claiming they knew me back at Yale
And all because I
Showed a banana for scale
For scale, for scale, I showed a banana for scale

When I claim that the game is afoot
Then I change it to the foot is a game?
That is ingenious
It’s the switcheroo that only a few could pull off 
Here they come, sycophantic as shit=
With their fan wikis frantically writ
Out of the woodwork
They come out of the woodwork
Oh, naming their heirs
Calling their paramours my name
And all because I
Said that the foot is a game 

I have hatched a phenomenal hit
Clearly, I’m a generational wit
So out of the woodwork
They all came out of the woodwork

Long ago, they removed the caulk and grout
To leave openings in the woodwork so the rabble could crawl out

When I said that panini is just 
Just the plural of the word paninus
That was ingenious 
But the narrative was that I was a fascist simp
The hive spoke, there were hundreds of votes 
For me to choke on my overnight oats
Out of the woodwork
They came out of the woodwork

Oh every ghoul
Brimming with cruel abuse to hurl
And all because I
Said that panini was plur’l
Was plur’l, was plur’l
I said that panini was plur’l

Here I come, catastrophically flawed 
Clearly, I’m a generational fraud
So out of the woodwork
They all came out of the woodwork

Long ago, they removed the caulk and grout
To leave openings in 
The woodwork so the rabble could crawl out

When I post a banana for sale
And I showed a banana for scale 
That was ingenious 
So they came out of the woodwork
Out of the woodwork
They all came out of the woodwork
Out of the woodwork
They all came out of the woodwork

Jonathan Barron - additional vocals
Jeff Kutcher - washboard
Lauren London - vocals

Copyright 2026 Zach London

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Wilt Chamberlain
Wilt Chamberlain
Wilt Chamberlain
Wilt Chamberlain
Wilt Chamberlain
Wilt Chamberlain
Wilt Chamberlain
Wilt Chamberlain

Granddad tried to explain the L is silent
When they said, “Tell us your name,” at Ellis Island
Who cares how it’s pronounced?
You’re here and that is what counts
Hear my prayer from beyond
Wilt Chamberlain show me a sign
I’ve got so much guilt
Such misgivings, Wilt
I’ve been saddled with qualms
Serious qualms
Saddled with serious qualms

Wilt Chamberlain
Wilt Chamberlain
Wilt Chamberlain
Wilt Chamberlain
Wilt Chamberlain
Wilt Chamberlain
Wilt Chamberlain
Wilt Chamberlain

His first boss, after a fashion, was a grocer
Who asked pops to launder some cash, and he said, “No sir.”
Not all who wander are lost
And not all who launder are washed
Hear my prayer from beyond
Wilt Chamberlain show me a sign
S'il vous plait, please respond
Hear my prayer from beyond
Wilt Chamberlain show me a sign
Why’s this man’s business
Steeped in pantslessness?
I’ve been saddled with qualms
Serious qualms
Saddled with serious qualms

Wilt Chamberlain
Wilt Chamberlain
Wilt Chamberlain
Wilt Chamberlain
Wilt Chamberlain
Wilt Chamberlain
Wilt Chamberlain
Wilt Chamberlain


Lauren London - additional vocals

Copyright 2026 Zach London

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Our time together is coming to an end
Clap my back and say
There’ll come a day
When we shall meet again
No, no, no we won’t,
Though it’s pleasant to pretend
But our time together is coming to an end
Our time together is coming to an end

Reach past,
Rub your eyes and reach past
The memories at the bottom of each glass
I chase them, but they scatter
Throughout my gray matter
The only ones I found were sanded down like beach glass
The ones I found were sanded down like beach glass

Our time together is coming to an end
Clap my back and say
There’ll come a day
When we shall meet again
No, no, no we won’t,
Though it’s pleasant to pretend
But our time together is coming to an end
Our time together is coming to an end

Hold hands
Cross your arms and hold hands
And sway in a circle of old friends
It’s a long-forgotten tune
It’s an ancient nigun
And it swaddles us in soft aches and cold sands
It swaddles us in soft aches and cold sands

Lai la lai la lai lai
Lai la lai la lai la lai
Lai la lai la lai lai lai
Lai la lai la lai la lai la lai lai

Lauren London - lead vocals

Copyright 2026 Zach London

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Come to the placebo arm
Hang the bag of over-labeled saline
Just lie back and trust
Sugar pills and fairy dust

Well, well
Welcome to the placebo arm
Studies need control groups to be powered
Thus, you have a role…
Zero power, no control

Welcome to the placebo arm
No effect is too Lilliputian
Call it absolution or karma
Welcome to the placebo arm
Where we stop at “First do no harm.”
You buy the farm, we sell the pharma

Come to the placebo arm
Guinea pigs and corporate pigs colluding
False efficacy
Ghostwritten by the patentee

Well, well
Welcome to the placebo arm
We can data dredge our way to double
Blind, blinds have been drawn
Sham on, sham on, sham on

Welcome to the placebo arm
No effect is too Lilliputian
Call it absolution or karma
Welcome to the placebo arm
Where we stop at “First do no harm.”
You buy the farm, we sell the pharma

Lauren London - additional vocals

Copyright 2026 Zach London