Songs I-L - hardtaco.org

I Never Met a Woman

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From"Tender is the Heart"

I never met a woman

Never met a woman

Never met a woman like the one I met in you.

I never met a woman

Never met a woman

Never met a woman like the one I met in you.

I never met a woman

You

Like the one I have met in

You...

(Jon Greenlee - vocals

Lauren London - vocals)

I MOON YOU!

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From "There, There"

Ive taken my posterior

From Moscow to Siberia

Theyd never seen superior display

Entire house of Romanov

Have seen me with my trousers off

I gave to them more gems than Faberge

I moon for Pope

Same as for sweeper of chimney

This tool of social justice

I shall now reveal to you

I moon you!

I moon moon moon

You have leave me no choice!

I moon you!

I moon moon moon

And then I shall rejoice!

In Minsk we'll stage our new routine

With moons the world has never seen

And each more moving and obscene than last

This one's called Nadia, My Love

And one called, The Drunken Slav

And one called Da Svi Donya, Kiss My Ass!

My butt it can

Convey a thousand emotions

It played the part of Uncle Vanya in

Chekhovs Kiev debut

Now I moon you!

I moon moon moon

I moon because I care

I moon you!

I moon moon moon

God gave me this to share!

I bring them to hysteria

From Moscow to Siberia

For no one's ass is hairier than mine

So raise your vodka

Raise your gin

Let's all get two cheeks to the wind

Let's see those hot pierogies at the bottom of your spine

Now I moon you!

For I am Vitaly Pisetsky Stanislav Belka Vlovenovich

And I moon kings

And I moon mail-order brides

I moon lady in front row

And I moon man in back

Fat man with funny hat.

Faster!

I moon all of you!

I have to drop trou right now or I will explode

My God, I moon you so hard!

Moon because no choice!

Hey!

(Carl Berg - additional vocals

Jon Greenlee - drums

Josh Siegel - additional vocals)

I Know My Place

Download 2004 Version

Download 1996 Version

If I were a domino

With big white spots,

Perhaps I could see the stars

With the astronauts.

But I know that this can't happen

Because I know my place,

And I know that they would never send

A domino in space.

If I were a jungle gym

With bars and swings,

I'd buy me a chariot

And race with kings.

But I know that this can't happen

Because I know my place,

And I know that they would not allow

A jungle gym to race.

If I were pajama tops

And I was size small

I'd draw lots of bumblebees

And erase them all

But I know that this can't happen

Because I know my place

And I know that they would never let

Pajama tops erase.

(Lauren London - additional vocals)

I Asked for a Barbell

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From "Forced to Breed in Captivity"

Could God build a weight that he can't lift
And would God want such a weight for a gift
He says,
No, no, no, not this
This was not on my list.
I asked for a barbell
This is a dumbbell

Could God hum one note for fifty years
And only stop when he bores himself to tears
Could he cut the moon into thirds
And still find them afterwards
He says, I asked for a barbell
This is a dumbbell
This is a dumbbell

So could I get two copies autographed
One is for my mom,
She's quite the fan
You ever wish that you'd
Turned in that second draft
Oh well
Bad publicity
Is still publicity
Still publicity, yeah.

Could God build a weight that he can't lift
And would God want such a weight for a gift
He says,
No, no, no, not this
This was not on my list
I asked for a barbell
This is a dumbbell
I asked for a barbell
This is a dumbbell

Copyright 2003 Zach London

Hard Taco Radio

I Never Met a Woman

I MOON YOU!

I Know My Place

I Asked for a Barbell

Discography